Thursday, January 24, 2008

When did THIS start?

The recent unpleasantness began two months ago when my good buddy Wxman asked me to grab a copy of Queen's "We Will Rock You" for him. I jumped over to the much-lauded DRM-free (giggity!) Amazon.com MP3 store.

Queen - Check.
"We Will Rock You" - Check.
Only $0.99 - Check.
Emailed to Wxman - Check.

Five minutes later, Wxman calls. "I don't know who the hell this is, but that's NOT Freddie Mercury." Hmmm, something was rotten in the state of 70's classic rock. Two hours of searching and a Pirate Bay torrent later, I had Queen's Greatest Hits on my hard drive. Just to make sure Wxman wasn't yanking my chain, I played both tracks for my wife in a blind test. "Who the hell is that? And why can't he sing?" she asked of the Amazon.com track. After some research, it turns out that Amazon.com was not licensed to carry Queen's stuff, but they did have some "great" cover bands. Ho hum, I thought. Seventies rock is not my bag. All I needed was my indie hip-hop from Emusic, and by the next day, I had forgotten about the whole thing.

Fast-forward to last weekend. I'm browsing through my local big box retailer when I "discovered" two box sets titled "Pure Disco" and "Forever 80's". The price? Ten dollars for each 3-disc set! Now I could work-out at the gym and listen to "Disco Inferno" and "Play That Funky Music"! (Yes, as I have asserted in the past, I am heterosexual. Yes, I love disco. Yes, I'm okay with people knowing this about me.) So, obviously I bought the box sets. Along with a brand new set of Skull Candy headphones so I could better hear Isaac Hayes's or Donna Summer's crooning. A few hours ago, I sat down to rip the discs and transfer them to my MP3 player. After the first disc, I noticed that the artist for each song was listed as "The Countdown Singers." Wondering what the hell was going on, I played a track. It was Kool and the Gang, "Celebration". Except, it wasn't Kool or his Gang. IT WAS THE FLIPPING COUNTDOWN SINGERS! A FRICKIN COVER BAND WHO COULDN'T CARRY A TUNE IF THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE WAS ON THE LINE! WHY???? Why wasn't there a HUGE disclaimer on each box saying, "THIS IS NOT THE REAL TEARS-FOR-FEARS, ONLY A BUNCH OF POSERS WITH FAKE BRITISH ACCENTS WHO CAN'T REALLY SING." Cover bands perform at birthdays and barmitzvahs, THEY DON'T SELL CD's!

KAHN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Yeah, that's EXACTLY how I felt!
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